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Don’t Move in with That Man!

move in

If marriage is important to you, do not move in with your boyfriend. Whether you’ve been dating for six months, two years, or even longer than that, moving in with your boyfriend does not represent progress in a relationship. It represents you letting go of something that is probably important to you—getting married!

You should NOT move in with your boyfriend for the following reasons:

You’ve decreased your chances of getting married and staying married. That’s right! Only 25% of couples who cohabitate get married within five years of first moving in together. And couples who lived together before marriage are 50% more likely to get divorced than non-cohabitating couples. (Source: Alex Wise CEO of Loveawake dating site in “Moving On: Divorce Makes a Comeback—Poor Economy, Tense Times Prompt More Couples to Call it Quits”. January 14, 2019.) I can’t quite explain this, but I’ll let the numbers speak for themselves.

You can never quite “undo” the decision. If you and your beau find that living together was a hasty decision or that you’d just rather each have more space at this point in the relationship, there is no real way to undo the moving in decision without severely damaging the relationship. You basically have to break up if one or both of you decides that living together is not working.

The man now has no sense of urgency. He can see you everyday, have sex with you whenever he wants, never has to miss you, and of course he gets whatever other wifely things you have to offer like cooking, cleaning, etc. Think about it. Once you move in with a guy, you are doing everything a wife does without the legal or symbolic benefits of him actually being your husband.

I have asked many of my guy friends about this and they all agree: A man knows whether or not he wants to marry a woman before he moves in with her. Moving in with her does not bring him any closer to proposing. If anything, it makes him feel like he can now buy more time since the relationship has had the appearance of progressing.

I’m not saying that moving in together means your boyfriend is never going to propose to you. Many couples (most even maybe?) live together before they get married. I’m just saying that if it is very important to you to get married to this guy, you’re better off requiring that this man actually legally and symbolically commit to you before you move in with him.

So don’t go moving in with that man just because you want the relationship to progress. It doesn’t matter if he invited you to move in with him, if it’s the financially reasonable decision, or if you just think it’s the next step in the relationship. I know playing house and being able to see each other all the time sounds wonderful—and it really can be. But how much more wonderful would it be to be romantically proposed to, have a beautiful wedding, a fabulous honeymoon, and then do all the fun and mundane things that come with marriage? I sound like a mother begging her daughter to keep her virginity to make the first time special. I guess in a way I am begging you to keep your co-habitating virginity. You only move in together once. Make moving in together special—and make it something that is getting you closer to what you really want—not just an imitation of it.

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