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Men can be really frustrating sometimes. In my Dating Dummy days, I’ve been known to cry, curse, and throw tantrums when men started acting foolishly. I let myself get worked up over the situation and then let it all out—right in front of the guys. It was never pretty. I’ve since learned that letting loose on a guy never works.
No matter how frustrated, angry, upset, confused, or sad you get about how a dating situation is going, you should never let a man see you sweat. Do not cry, throw tantrums, or lose it in front of a man you are dating—at least not if he is the source of your frustration. Here are all the things that happen when you lose it in front of man over something he’s done: (Much credit to Sherry Argov, Ellen Fein, Sherrie Schneider, and my Grandma for enlightening me to these ideas)
- You’ve just shown him how much power he has over you. No one—not a man, your friends, or your family members—should have the ability to control your happiness. The relationships we have in our lives serve to increase our happiness—not define it. If you break down and cry in front of a man, he may feel bad and start acting right for a week or two, but then, he’ll be back to his old habits—probably acting even worse than before—because now he knows that he has a 100% hold on you.
- You lose perspective. “When you’re young, everything seems like the end of the world. But it isn’t.” This is a quote from 17 Again. (There are lessons to be learned everywhere, y’all!) And it reminds me that no matter how upset you are about a guy at the present moment, you will one day find the guy who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.
- You encourage bad behavior. It’s hard to believe, but men love those tantrums. You know, the ones where you nag them until they want to claw their eyes out? You know why? Because it assures them that you still care. If you really want to get a message across, cut off all contact for a few days and see what happens. Men know when they are messing up and they don’t need women to point it out to them. With time, space, and silence, men often come around of their own accord and start acting right. REMEMBER: Men do not respond to words. They respond to no contact.
As my Grandma says, “Never let a man see you cry over him. Go to the bathroom, cry as much as you need to, put on some makeup, and move on with your life.” You don’t have to put on a game face for the whole world. Sob in the arms of your girlfriends, your Grandma, etc., but the man causing you heartbreak should not have the satisfaction of seeing you cry.
Like all the advice I give to my Crazy Girls, I’m still working hard to learn this principle myself. It makes perfect sense to me, but I often still try to communicate with my words, tears, whining, dropping hints, etc. I’m slowly learning that when start acting a fool, the last thing I should do is join them in their foolishness and get myself all upset. The next time your dating life is making you want to pull your hair out, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and keep it moving.